I’m going to be honest. I’m not sure where this post is going. I just have a lot of thoughts bouncing around, and I’ve found that’s usually a good time to start writing.
I titled this post “Restless” because that is sort of where I am in life. I feel like a lot of things are acting as irritants. Even good things, like college. I’m so thankful for the privilege of higher education, but it is HARD WORK. I’m ready for something crazy exciting to happen. Maybe I’m just not in that stage of life yet?
One thing is for sure: I’m not bored. I’m learning so much about life and work and music and God and myself….
I’m learning about caring for somone that isn’t yours to care about anymore. Mostly that comes with a lot of wondering…wondering what’s new in their life. Wondering if they’re happy. Wondering if they think about you. Wondering if they’re making good decisions. Wondering when they’re going to find someone else and that whole new line of pain will open up…
I’m also learning about caring about someone who doesn’t deserve it. Mostly that comes with frustrations. I’m frustrated that I care. I’m frustrated that they don’t. Frustrated that you can’t control the little things that make you think of them instantly when you don’t want to….just frustrated. Frustrated that I’m STILL frustrated…but I’m forgetting more and more everyday.
I’m frustrated with my busy schedule, too. But I like most of it at the same time. If I just had more time to get it done…that’d be great. I feel too scheduled sometimes. I need time to do spontaneous things! I think time management will help with that. I guess I need to take it up a notch.
Lately my mind wanders to summer and beaches and a spray tan and a new and improved body from the Insanity workout that I’m about to start after break (so excitedd! :D) and canoing and hiking and swimming and King’s Islanding and road trips….*sigh* I can’t wait. 🙂 I just want to have fun and enjoy life and family and friends.
I’m also realizing how many things I need to fix about myself. Er, rather I need God’s help fixing. I think I’m loving people, I think I’m loving God, I think I’m being generous, I think I’m being faithful, I think I’m praying more, and then He opens my eyes to my selfishness and idolatry and laziness and sin, and neglect of the Word. But I’m also completely aware of the way He continues to bless me, and that is so humbling. By grace we are truly saved. ❤
I suppose there’s not really a point to this blog. It wanders around as restless as I am right now. haha. I don’t know how these things will turn out. That is life. I think people often write about events they have experienced from beginning to end, sort of as a reflection. But this time, I decided to stop and look around right in the middle of this crazy time, because I’m wondering what in the world is going on. haha Anyways, if you read this whole thing, thanks!